Faux Pas

5652724063_de2b6d2ee5_zI wasn’t sure I wanted to have a child when I was younger.

I spent my 20′s traveling, working, eating at great restaurants and generally enjoying life. I had a good job that paid well with a company car, laptop and phone. My personal expenses were almost zero. I lived in an apartment just steps from the beach, and I used my 4 weeks vacation a year to travel overseas as much as possible.

I ended up giving up the well-paying job and moving to Ireland and then England to travel, before finally settling in the USA with my (now) husband. It was so much fun! Living in and experiencing new countries and cultures should be a rite of passage for all 20-somethings. I met so many interesting people, visited so many fascinating places and wanted more and more of it. I wasn’t sure that kids and the kind of travel I envisioned for my life would mix very well…

Then my son came along. After a few years of misery (the kid was born 3 months early, spent 4 months in intensive care and never slept through the night until he was three years old due to a feeding disorder – so yes, I can honestly say it was often miserable), he became one of my primary reasons for a good laugh.

Kids are funny, they just are. Even better, most often they aren’t trying to elicit a response so their hilarity is even more endearing. Like when we were driving by a large cemetery in a city far from our town and the headstones could be viewed as far as the eye could see. The 8-year-old said:

“WOW, it looks like a whole lot of people have died…”

Yes it does son, yes it does.

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However, the biggest laugh my husband has had of late can be attributed to me when talking about my son to his teacher during a school interview a few months back. About halfway through the interview all was going well with the teacher until I came out with the following;

“Sorry he hasn’t completed all of his homework over the past few weeks, we’ve just moved house and getting internet hooked up in this town is harder than scoring cocaine…he’ll get it finished as soon as we are back online.”

Yeah, I really said that. It sounded a lot better in my head than it did after it came out of my mouth and I saw the teachers response (she did not smile). I couldn’t see my husbands response, his head was already in his hands by the time I looked over at him.

The conversation in the car afterwards went something like this:

Hubby: ” I can’t believe you said that! It’s possibly the number one thing you should never say to your child’s teacher!”

Me: “Oh come on, she had to know I was kidding, I volunteer in class every week for Gods sake! Surely that buys me a little credibility? Surely I can get a pass based on my history of good works? It just explained the situation so well. We moved weeks ago, and the damn telco company still hasn’t been able to get our internet hooked up, it’s ridiculous!”

Hubby: “I’m sure she’s reporting us to DOCS.” (Dept. of Community Services)

Me: “Oh well then, judging by the copious quantity of cigarette-smoking parents towing bare-footed children behind them with snot running down their faces and coughs that sound like the death rattle in the middle of winter – along with the large display of grammatically incorrect cuss words spray painted on the bridge heading out of town, they seem largely useless at their jobs – so I suspect it will all turn out just fine.”

Kiddo (little voice from the back seat): “Why is cocaine so hard to get?”

Hubby and I (in unison): “Because its dangerous, don’t ever try it!”

Hubby has since announced I am banned from future interviews until he has time to redeem our family name.

With him on the job it could take decades.

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15 thoughts on “Faux Pas

  1. Mutha of.... says:

    Love love love it :):)

    Like

  2. I found you in the humor section and after looking through your blogs it seems you have a sense of humor. Just started a blog so if you like to laugh, check it out and tell your friends please and thank you: http://choaticsoulz.wordpress.com/ :) brace yourself…

    Like

    • Lola says:

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      Like

  3. Nice! Wish I thought of that one myself, but I don’t volunteer that much so it may not have worked out as well for me…

    Like

    • Dmitry says:

      Congregation Achduth Vesholom, the Jewish Temple, will hold its eleventh aunanl Corned Beef on Rye, deli-style lunch fundraiser on Thursday, October 18, at the Temple, 5200 Old Mill Road, from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. It’s an authentic New York deli lunch with an overstuffed 1/3 pound of Corned Beef on rye bread, cole slaw, dill pickle, chocolate brownie and beverage. It’s available just once a year.Order by Friday, October 12 and you pay just $12 per lunch.The price increases to $14 for all orders received after October 12 and for walk-ins.To place an order, please call the Temple at 744-4245 or visit at 5200 Old Mill Road. Credit cards, cash (accepted at Temple only) and checks are accepted.If you order 12 or more lunches, we will deliver your order for $5 per address. These orders must be pre-ordered by Friday, October 12.Carryout orders will be bagged and ready for easy pick up, or you can dine in.

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  4. Oh boy.. and I thought I had the foot in mouth thing down pretty good.. you win! lol. Conferences I recall.. never that interesting. Best I got, is where I walk out shaking my head, wondering, what is wrong with these schools / teachers? I go in, they express concern over my youngest child- thinking she has some kind of ADD problem. She never looks at the teacher, the front of the room.. always just kind of has eyes wandering around the room, seemingly not paying attention. So I ask, well, how are her grades? Oh.. she has A’s & B’s.. really.. ok, we’re done here. Thanks for your concern, she’s ok. /rolleyes. They also put her in the title 1 reading group (for slow or behind grade level readers) when she was in elementary school and the girl could read just fine. She’s like me.. devours books. And, just like me, when they took the standardized tests in 6th grade.. she tested at the 12th grade reading level. Her only problem? Laziness. Like me. She really is a mini me.. poor kid!

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  5. Elyse says:

    And I thought the fact that we always wolfed down a quick dinner of pasta with massive quantities of garlic were the worst for the teachers. I never thought of those trying to score cocaine!

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  6. SocietyRed says:

    You’re so funny! Those parent/teacher sessions can be awkward; you found a way to take it to the next level! Missed your sense of humor, glad to see it again!

    Like

  7. twindaddy says:

    Hahahahaha. Way to go, mom!

    Like

  8. etomczyk says:

    She’ssssssss baaaaaaack! And funny as ever. Love the story and it sounds like something I would say. I completely understand! But hubby is probably right to censor you. Ha! Welcome back.

    Like

  9. Arindam says:

    You are really funny. Your conversation with the teacher was hilarious. Great post.

    Like

  10. Snort. Some people have nooo sense of humor. Right? You go, girl.

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  11. ystewart says:

    Hahahaha. Brilliant!

    Like

    • Dayanna says:

      I think they should auconnne very soon. It was supposed to be September but they kept postponing. Follow Kuwait University official twitter account. They will auconnne there so you won’t miss it. As for the TOEFL, GRE and GMAT, you have to submit along with your application but you can submit newer GMAT, TOEFL and GRE scores to the department you are applying to before the interviews.

      Like

  12. You are a cool parent ;)

    Like

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