The lies I told today when making a booking with the ‘pet friendly’ hotel today:
Them: “Is your dog a small dog?”
Me: “Well, you know he’s not teeny small, but he is a small-ish Labrador.”
(Lie #1. He weighs 88 pounds and he can easily put his paws on my shoulders when on his hind legs. His head stands inches high. He’s huge. In fact I’m not so sure he’s not part Great Dane or Mastiff.)
Them: “Oh, well we usually only accept small dogs. Is he very well behaved?”
Me: “Oh yes, he’s an angel, he is quiet as a mouse and doesn’t chew. He’s basically like a guide dog but we’re not blind.”
(Lie #2. He’s terribly behaved. He eats shoes like he’s on his last meal – prefers expensive designer brands – He howls terribly if we leave him alone for more than a few hours because he’s used to me being with him all day (I work from home). If he were a guide dog the blind person would be dead – or at least armless – when he see’s something he wants the chase is on and it doesn’t matter if your arm might be attached to him via… oh you know, a leash or something.)
Them: “And is he used to travelling with you and being left at the hotel if you go out?”
Me: “Oh yes, he’s a regular traveller, we travel with him all the time. He loves it and he’s just a part of the family, waits patiently for us to return when we’re out and gives the hotel and it’s patrons no trouble at all. All the places we’ve stayed love him.”
(Lie #3. He’s never been to a hotel with us before. It’s really hard to find pet friendly hotels in Australia (God Bless America – so much easier to find them there) and because he’s such a pain in the ass to take places we leave him with my sister who he adores nearly as much as he loves shoes. Or as a last resort, in a kennel where he pines and has been known to attempt suicide. Really.)
The thing about him, he’s adorable. We’ve actually just signed him up to start stem cell therapy for his elbow displasiya and osteo-arthritis – ground breaking stuff in the animal world. He’s sweet and loving and funny….and not very well behaved.
All this for a last minute quick trip away, oh the lies! Blogging is my confessional.