Guns

Before you get all worked up on me, this is not a post on if we should or should not have the right to bear arms.

I have no opinion to offer on the matter, other than the fact that judging from my point and click ability (think: TV remote) I should definitely NOT be someone who should be given a licence to carry a gun.

I don’t know why the TV does not respond to me when I point the remote at it and click, but it doesn’t. Time after time, it just wont. I can even take the remote right up to that little light on the box-system-thingy that its supposed to register to, and press, press, press…nada.

Inevitably I hand it to my hubby after professing that; ‘the batteries are most definitely dead. This time they are really fried.’ Of course you all know the rest of the story…He ever-so-gently presses those little rubber buttons while barely aiming in the general vicinity of the TV unit and lo and behold, the TV stations flip like animation on crack.

Back to the guns.

I was having a conversation with my next-door neighbors friend at a party. Let me preface this by letting you know this particular friend is so pro-gun he has a firing range in his basement. (Seriously.)

So he is giving me a lecture on why women need guns.

I am a complete pacifist and animal lover, so he’s trying to convince the girl who once screamed at the wildlife to “run, run, run for your lives!” on the dawn hunting trip an old boyfriend was told never to bring me on again. Without question, he was not going to get anywhere with me, but he clearly is completely unaware of this.

His argument is that when I find myself walking alone in a dark alley late at night (he clearly has ZERO understanding of my life) and two men with guns jump me and try to rape me, wouldn’t I be so happy to have my handy little girly pistol ready in my handbag to deal with these hideous thugs?

So as much as I really don’t want to argue with my neighbors friend, this whole scenario just defies logic, so I simply had to make a point that was just waiting to be spoken.

(Eloquent Me) “Uuuhhh, welll…hmmm….. honestly, I’m not so sure that when these 2 men with guns jump me because they find my post baby body so irresistible, that I would really be in a position to be able to ask them politely to stop, to give me the opportunity to retrieve my own gun from my handbag so we can at least have a fair fight…”

(This of course assumes that this girly gun is at minimum the size of a large Chihuahua, because anything smaller than that simply disappears into my Bermuda-black-hole-of-a-handbag and can take up to 24 hours to be located at any given time.)

He looked at me blankly. I’ve always wondered what that means; ‘he looked at me blankly‘.

Now I know.

It means he looked at me with no recognition that I was an equal life form. And then he said; “You women simply can’t understand good logic”.

Then he turned and walked away, with me standing there with my mouth gaping wide open. It was by far, the single most bizarre conversation I have had at a party outside of the state of Texas.

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