It was a big Friday night at our place.
My tooth cracked off and I swallowed the portion with a silver filling in it. Silver fillings are full of mercury, highly toxic (and not recommended to have rolling around in your body, or a host of side effects will result). Essentially, you want that crap out.
I needed to induce vomiting to get it up, or head to the closest hospital to have my stomach pumped…I chose to do the former.
I drank a full glass of warm water with 1 & 1/4 tablespoons of salt dissolved in it. In case you have this listed as things-to-try-one-day-just-because, let me suggest that you cross it off the list. Its foul and as far as I can tell, almost always unnecessary.
Imagine seawater mixed with something that causes instant heartburn, a little sour milk thrown in for good measure (to help with the vomiting reflex), and that pretty much sums it up. It took me a few minutes, but I finally got it all down with a few ‘mini-upchucks’ in between.
My expert husband then gave me specific steps on how to shove your own fingers down your throat “the way the bulimic’s do” (his words), to get the salt-water mix – along with the filling – up in one huge, monstrous, vomitous action. (If you’re thinking ‘vomitous’ is not a real word, it is now – I just coined it.)
“C’mon I’ve done this many times, if it’s not working, you aren’t pushing your fingers down far enough, just shove them down further;” he egged me on. (I’m assuming he knows this from his many mornings of hangovers he tried to alleviate in this way during his former party years.)
How anyone can be bulimic is beyond me (no disrespect to all the bulimic’s out there), it was the most hideous experience of my life. But all credit to him, his instructions worked perfectly.
Taking the title (momentarily) as ‘Best Husband in the World’, he pulled on the rubber gloves and searched all of the er…contents, to make sure the filling came up. (He says I won’t be getting an anniversary gift this year, working through my puke was the gift, and surely evidence enough of his love.)
Finally, he founded the partial tooth, sans silver-mercury-laden-filling! What the hell?!?
We found out later from a doctor that the whole procedure was all in vain. Mercury is so heavy, you actually have to have your stomach pumped to get it out, there’s no way the action of vomiting by itself will do the job.
Good to know.
Essentially there was a 50/50 chance that I would make the right decision when it came to getting one of the most toxic substances in the world out of my system, and when it came to crunch time, I chose the wrong one. (Just another reason I don’t gamble, the gods are almost always universally against me.)
In the end, given the mercury was not yet out of my system, a detox procedure is in place, so it will no doubt be a fun few days at our place this week. That’s right, the party continues!
Don’t tell me we don’t know how to have a good time in our household, people!