And The Mouse Made Four

Previous Freddo Dairy Milk design (12g)

The delicious Freddo Frog (Image via Wikipedia)

The evening after Halloween, kiddo asked me if he could have some left-over chocolate Freddo’s. I nodded in the affirmative and moments later, he brought me the whole bowl – asking why so many of the wrappers had been torn, and the chocolate eaten.

It turns out we have a mouse.

A mouse that favors Cadbury Chocolate Freddo Frogs.

Of course I was horrified at the mere thought of a mouse running around my kitchen while I slept, and out came my trusty humane trap, something I have used previously to deal with such incidences.

Regular traps just aren’t an option for me. The idea of waking in the morning to find a dead mouse splayed out with a metal rod across its back is too much for me to bear – and the alternative thought of it not actually being dead, just suffering endlessly until I have to hit it with a brick or something – well, I simply cannot imagine.

We have a deal in our house – I can use humane traps and my husband will empty them for me – far, far, away from our home. Our house backs up to a reserve of forest-type land (an area kept protected for the wildlife), and as a result we see the occasional field mouse.

My husband set the trap with chocolate inside (since this was obviously the mouse’s poison of choice), and I put the bowl of remaining chocolates up high, away from the place where the mouse first tasted the decadence.

The next morning the trap hadn’t been touched, but the bowl had once again been raided! I was incensed! I triple-sealed the remaining untouched chocolates in zip-lock baggies and went about my day, as hubby left on a business trip.

To be honest I forgot all about the trap, until last night.

I turned off my light at about 12:30am and prepared for sleep, it wasn’t more than 15 minutes later that I heard someone trying the handle of our front door – or so I thought.

A strange jiggling sound had me on high alert (granted it would have to be the loudest burglar in the history of the world, but that’s all I could figure). I got up and turned every light in the house on, as I checked all the doors.

Nothing.

All had gone quiet and I went back to bed, perplexed.

Of course it started again, and it was so loud, it sounded exactly like someone trying to get into the house! I went checking again and nothing! I repeated this one last time, and this time I picked up my iphone as I lay in my bed hearing this strange noise and I turned on my voice recorder to record it.

What I was doing, I can’t tell you. If I were to be found dead in my bed, the cops would all be shaking their heads…“she had time to run for her life, but instead chose to lay in bed and record the burglar coming to attack, what was she thinking?”

Apparently people do strange things when they are tired and perplexed. And by people, I mean me.

A few minutes later I remembered the trap and considered the possibility that it had something to do with the noise. I ventured to the cupboard and sure enough the trapdoor was closed, signalling entrapment.

I was terrified – much more terrified than if it had been a masked burglar. I was all for ‘saving the mice’, but I didn’t want to have to be actively involved in the disposing of them.

This is why one finds a husband. Rodent removal, diamonds, and to teach sons how to pee.

I went back to bed hoping that now I’d figured out what it was, I could ignore the mouse and get some sleep and my 7-year-old could deal with it for me in the morning (parenting at its best).

The subsequent noise was incredible. Reaching a crescendo of epic proportions this mouse had clearly decided to throw itself with all its weight at the trapdoor, time and time again, in the hopes it could break free – at least that’s all I could figure.

I felt vaguely sorry for it as I imagined its fear and desperation. I threw a pillow over my head and willed myself to sleep.

Moments later, the kiddo woke up from the deafening noise and called out to me, asking what was going on. I told him to go back to sleep and I gritted my teeth and told myself that I was going to have to deal with this – there was simply no other option.

THE MOUSE IS IN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!

I opened the cupboard door and gingerly picked it up (making sure to keep the oh-so-important door sealed) and headed for the front door.

As I opened the door, the dog pushed past me and ran out. He had seen a kangaroo (they often feed on our lawn at nights), and was now taking off down the street in chase.

The culprit.

I broke into a run of my own, all the while doing the yisper (you know that thing you do when you are yelling; “get back here now!!” But you have to do it in a loud whisper, because its 3am and you live on a super quiet street in a cul-de-sac, and you don’t want to piss off the neighbors?)

Your mind is yelling, but your voice is loud-whispering. Yisper.

So this is what it’s come to.

A kangaroo being chased by a labrador, being chased by its owner (while balancing a trapped mouse), at 3am down a quiet, suburban street.

We chased  each other through 3 gardens, 4 yards, an empty block of land, past a “Koala Corridor” sign and over a roundabout. At which time I realized I was a more than a street away from my home, my 7-year-old was alone asleep in bed, it was 3am and I was in my pyjamas with bare feet, holding a trapped mouse.

(It’s stories like these that get people arrested. “No officer, I wasn’t going to streak or break-in, I was chasing-my-dog-chasing-a-kangaroo-holding-my-mouse. I just didn’t have time to get dressed.”)

Logic took over and I turned around.

The dog would have to work his way back – thankfully the kangaroo is way faster than the dog anyway – he would soon realize it was a hopeless cause.

I got to my driveway and looked at my trapped mouse (who probably had awful motion sickness by now).

I set down the trap in the forest area opposite our house, lifted the trapdoor back…and ran like hell back to the house. As I did, I heard the door fall again and I realized he wouldn’t be able to escape this way. The mechanism that makes this humane trap work is based on the principal of a sea-saw.

When he walks towards the door, the contraption tips and the door closes. There was no possible way the mouse could get out without me standing there and tipping him out – and that couldn’t happen with my phobia and history of bad-ass luck – if I did that, he’d be sure to turn and run over my foot and up my leg and I might have a heart-attack.

I couldn’t believe that my nightmare wasn’t over yet, and now I was going to have to start a damn craft project!

I made a decision and headed back to the house and returned outside, bringing a tape dispenser out with me. As I sat on the roadside rigging my plan in my pyjamas, I thought about what a complete idiot I would look like if someone saw me.

I placed two large pieces of tape to the front of the door and got ready and pulled back the door and taped the remaining ends to the back of the trap, all  in one swift motion …and hightailed it back inside the house.

I never looked back (until this morning when the kiddo wanted to know what happened to the trap and I pointed to the other side of the street as we left for school).

This was my blissfully empty trap the next morning. Ready for reuse! All for the bargain price of $2.49

Later, I thought about how much crap my hubby was going to get from me when he got home, for being away on the one night this all had to happen. One night a year that he has to be “the man of the house” and deal with a mouse – and he’s not around for it!

Typical.

I’m thinking of trying to get a refund for him. “Excuse me sir, mines not working, he doesn’t do what he’s supposed to – whats the return policy?”

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47 thoughts on “And The Mouse Made Four

  1. Insanely funny. Can so identify: mousie pondering invasion as chills arrive, eager to escape large dog…(but no kangaroo – that picture is hilarious), worried what to do if it actually gets in trap)…hoping for a “natural” ending here as the hawks have just arrived for the winter. Love this post

    Like

    • Thanks so much!

      The ‘natural’ ending with a hawk or other bird of prey, though leaving me with feelings of sorrow, I can actually deal with much better. I understand that there is a natural order of things and nature needs to do what it needs to do. I don’t think a dog chasing a kangaroo is quite as orderly – at least it didn’t feel that way to me as I followed them gasping for air!

      Like

  2. Dor says:

    This was soooo funny! I can’t believe I actually read the whole thing right to the end. Usually don’t have the patience to stick to a story with all the other pressing needs of life. Hope the mouse didn’t come back for more chocolate. You have a kind heart.

    Like

  3. So what about the culprit? Has he come back yet?:)

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  4. This was hysterical. I could totally see myself in this position minus the kangaroo since I live in New Jersey. Thanks for the great laugh!

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  5. Elyse says:

    God, I love your stories! Thanks!

    Like

  6. That would have looked just like a cartoon! Hilarious. The only thing that would have made it funnier is if you had locked yourself out of the house, and had to climb through a window, but it was locked, and all you had to break it with was your occupied humane mousetrap. For everyone else, I mean. You would have been horrified.

    Like

    • Funnier for the story – yes, funnier for me – no. I was not laughing for the duration of this scenario, as I am often not at the time. I concede, that in retrospect these things ARE amusing, just wish they happened to someone else!

      Like

  7. Carrie says:

    (Language alert!)

    THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER!

    And you actually took a picture of the trap with the rat (if it’s little, fast and furry…it’s a rat), STILL IN IT!

    You are figgin’ classic, my friend!

    And then to sit ON THE ROAD with TAPE to rig open the trap! Sweet heavens, it just keeps getting better.

    Best line of the whole thing:

    “I couldn’t believe that my nightmare wasn’t over yet, and now I was going to have to start a damn craft project!”

    A craft project. That alone did me in.

    You, Tutz…are sheer brilliance. What a woman!!

    Like

  8. thats a very friendly looking trap. I’m amazed you had the energy to do all this at 3 am.

    Like

    • I think the energy was actually adrenalin from the fear of thinking there was a burglar in the house. Getting my son up and ready for school the next day was not the most cheerful I have ever been – in fact took me about 3 days to recuperate! Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  9. ozaussieoz says:

    Hilarious! First of all, I give you kuddos for bothering to catch the mice, rather than killing them. But I love too how you’ve shared about the late-night experience of releasing the chocolate bandit 🙂 I’m also an American Down Under, and I just found your blog on Expat Blog, so I thought I’d stop by to see what you had to share. I love it & am adding it to my list of favorites!

    Like

    • Hey, thanks so much for the lovely comment, and for adding me. I have also added your blog to my rss, love to read about other expats! Cheers!

      Like

    • Emrah says:

      , hello God has given us brains to azalyne and to experience God’s wonders in all. I ask why, God provides the answer all the time. God can do all and anything I am not knocking anyones ideas but lets expand our minds we are not programmed machines to think and act alike have your own relationship, just talk to God. God is.

      Like

  10. Kari says:

    I’m sorry to laugh at your misfortune but I can’t help myself. I could absolutely visualize this whole scene playing out as I was reading. Nothing like a good laugh on a Sunday morning!

    Like

    • I understand completely. That’s the thing about disasterous situations. Terrible for the person involved and totally entertaining for everyone else watching!

      Like

      • Ronnie says:

        – ha non c’e9tait pas aussi cool les cours de chimie au lyce9e. Par cnrote e0 la fac je me rappelle avoir pris une petite douche d’acide sulfurique sur mon froc qui n’a pas fait long feu gnn !jolie photo ! j’aime bien l’expression du prof !

        Like

  11. thehonestone says:

    “This is why one finds a husband. Rodent removal, diamonds, and to teach sons how to pee.”

    I always wondered why women found husbands….. Ha ha ha.

    your story would make a good advert for humane mouse traps 🙂

    Their catch phrase could be, even if your husband is not home, you can still catch that mouse….

    Like

  12. Katriina says:

    Loved this post and laughed my head off. Bloody funny stuff. You are a fantastic storyteller. I particularly loved the “yispering”!!

    Like

    • Thanks so much, these things are always much more amusing AFTER the fact, aren’t they? At the time – miserable!;)

      Like

      • Keyana says:

        In response to jtovohrge, God bless. I know what you are talking about, so many people try to make God simply. God is. God is beyond some can even fathom, God who created all, is not simple minded as humans can appear to be. Just believe that is all that matters. Speak with the words God has give us because it is God.

        Like

  13. jules says:

    Ha! That made me laugh! Definitely gave me a giggle during my 5min writing break!

    http://andsuddenlyisee.wordpress.com

    Like

  14. Here’s to you and being resourceful! How is your husband going to recover from this in the annual husband of the year competition? He’ll have to do something big.

    Like

  15. Ellie says:

    Oh god I just relived some awful mousetrap memories. Mine weren’t as funny though… : )

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  16. I don’t think I have laughed this hard in a really long time. I love this entire story so much it hurts! I’m glad it all ended well!

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  17. Awww. The mice are soo cute! I love letting them going and watching them run away. I usually either drive them to a place near where I work (a half hour away) with a lovely little stream and forest when I catch them in the morning or at least to a field (they are, after all, “field mice”) about 10 minutes away if I catch them at night.

    If you let them loose within walking distance I’ve heard they usually find their way back.

    Like

  18. dojo says:

    He he, I’m still laughing 😀

    Excellent story, it’s good no one got hurt in the end and I cannot but appreciate your amazing kindness. Other would have just killed the mouse.

    Like

    • Thank you! I don’t have the ability to kill living things unless they are a danger to us ) like the spiders, snakes, etc we have here in Oz.) Even then, if I can find someone to take it elsewhere, I will.

      Like

  19. This was a really good, and funny post. I’m sure if a cop pulled you over, he’d be like…..this lady is crazy….lol.

    But it happens. Thats why, the next time I see a -dog-chasing-a-kangaroo-with-lady-in-pursuit-holding-a-mouse I’ll say, she’s having a jolly ol’ time.

    Like

    • Thanks so much for this award, so sorry its taken me so long to get to it – study and vacations, I have overloaded myself! I have been working on a post for this and it should be up in the next week or so – thanks again for such a kind gesture!

      Like

  20. Maggie S. says:

    I didn’t read all the comments, but you realize that if you are letting him out across the street, you are probably letting the same mouse in and out of the house every time?

    Hilarious.

    COngratulations on your award from Carrie

    Like

  21. “This is why one finds a husband. Rodent removal, diamonds, and to teach sons how to pee.”
    Brillant! Too funny!

    Like

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