Image by Newbirth35 via Flickr
My sister just started the Bodytrim diet. From what I can ascertain, it’s kind of like Atkins, but with even less happiness and pleasure.
I’m a fan of diets, and by fan I mean I like to discuss the positive and negative aspects, and then trash them mercilessly when they don’t work. For me, being a fan of diets is kind of like being a fan of Stephen King novels; I like to read and discuss them in my social circles, but I don’t really want to integrate the content into my own life – It just sounds too painful and unpleasant.
Here’s how the first few days of Bodytrim went for her:
Day 3 on Protein only – 6 small meals a day.
“I’ve started checking my incisors to see if they’ve lengthened from my extreme carnivorous diet. If one more person walks past me with a cookie or bread I might physically attack them.
My body is also wondering why I’ve suddenly taken to pouring 2 litres of water into it a day. In an obvious confused panic it’s decided to balance the intake with output (approximately every 20 minutes) – The positive is I’ve stopped waking up at night for a drink. The negative is now I just wake up needing to pee.
Monday afternoon I took the dog for a walk to make up my 10,000 steps a day. After 20 minutes I limped home with 10 cent piece blisters on my heels – I’ve decided bad things happen to people who exercise. Tuesday I figured I could just use my step machine instead. Inside. With bare feet.
The guy on the DVD tells me I’m doing a great job and my body is now a ‘fat burning machine’. I want to punch him in the face.
He also told me all my ‘cravings’ for carbs would disappear completely by the end of the third day. He lied. I just want a bucket of mashed potatoes, lined with greasy chips, smothered in full fat gravy.
Despite all of this – it appears my body is listening to the program – I’m losing about 1kg per day. I’m not really freaking surprised.
PS A girl from my work just came around as I was writing this and offered me a Lindt Hazelnut Chocolate. So wrapped up in this email was I, that I took it and stuck it in my mouth without thinking – only to realise in horror as I turned back to my screen that “BODYTRIM UPDATE” was glaring at me.
I spat it out.
If my body register’s that sugar count I’m going to kill it.”
As you can see, this sounds like a super-awesome diet plan.
In fact I was so taken with her description, I am planning on paying the $169.95 to buy the book and DVD myself. Not for the conventional reasons though, I’m purchasing it so I can hear a man (any man – I’m not particular), tell me to my face, that my body is a fat burning machine.
It’s one of those bucket list moments that I thought would never happen, and for $169.95, its a steal.
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- Lose Weight Using Alkaline Weight Loss Diet (warmanfu.wordpress.com)
- Atkins Diet: A-OK? (fitsugar.com)
- Tips for Maximizing Your Weight Loss While on an HCG Diet (warmanfu.wordpress.com)
- Kim Kardashian Slims Down With a Macrobiotic Diet (fitsugar.com)
- The Atkins Diet (everydayhealth.com)
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