Tag Archives: husband

Worlds Greatest Dad

My husband finished work early and I invited him to come along to Target with me, to find a small $5 gift for the father’s day stall at our son’s school. Apparently the offer of such a fun-filled afternoon was too tempting to resist, and a short time later we were wandering around the store.

He took a business call when I happened to pick up a mug;

“World’s Greatest Father,” it read.

He finished his call and looked at it sitting in my hands. He stared at it thoughtfully for a few seconds before announcing; “You know whoever manufactures those mugs should stop processing the tens of thousands they do every year. They should just make one, and sell it for a fortune.”

I laughed my way around the store as he stared at me perplexed. “I love these moments;” I told him. “The moments where I am not only reminded why I married you, but actually glad that I did.”

Yes, like many women I spend a good percentage of my lifetime frustrated my husband, and the drawbacks of being married to a man with so many (perceived) faults.

Things like loose socks left lying around, spilled coffee on the kitchen counter, cartoon watching, buying whoopee cushions for our son, procrastinating of household chores, the insistence that imported beer is definitely one of the five food groups (and considered daily necessity for basic survival), and the resulting beer bottle caps that are found all over the house.

With these constant reminders of how my life would be neater, cleaner, less work and more peaceful if I were not married, its good to get another reminder; that it would be a heck of a lot less fun, as well.

That said, happy early fathers day to my husband. Never forget the words of the old man in Cracker Barrel who leaned over his table to ours and said;

“I’ve been watching you since we sat down, and I just want to congratulate you on being a really fantastic father.” (I need to mention here that he said nothing of my excellent mothering skills, an omition that I am sure was merely oversight.)

Funny, and a fantastic father. I guess I can pick up a few more socks and tolerate another episode of The Avengers, (that show that you insist is not a cartoon, but in fact animated television).

You’re a bit of all right.

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The Husband List

Kat, my new favorite blogger to stalk (poor Kat, this means a war and peace comment from me at least every few days… I do try and keep it concise, but…)

Anyway, she is doing an experiment of sorts, attempting to date 30 men in 3 months and blogging about her experiences. She is witty, amusing, thoughtful, open and manages to be eloquent while she does it all. Hat’s off to her! You can read her blog here.

While reading her blog it reminded me of my list from 9 years ago. That is, my list of ‘qualities I require in a husband.’ I came across this list while I was packing up my life to move to Australia. (That’s right, my husband, my son and I after 10 years in the USA have just weeks ago moved to my original ‘home’ of Australia – hence the ending of my last blog and the beginning of this new one)

So I found the list and mulled it over for a while. I wonder if there are many people who set goals in life, attain them, set more goals, attain them and so on. Looking back over my adult life and my achievements (or lack thereof), one would think I set goals only when on drunken binges and playing truth or dare. Moving on…

Here is the list in its entirety from 2002:

1. Must be financially secure

2. Must love kids (this from the woman who didn’t want kids – what was that even about?)

3. Must love animals

4. Must have a great sense of humor, specifically be able to laugh at himself (since I intend to do a lot of laughing at him also)

5. Love to travel

6. At least 6 feet tall

7. Must not be late for our first date.

8. Walk on the side of the road that is closest to the cars when we are out together, so if a tragedy occurs, it happens to his body, not mine.

9. Open doors always.

10. Have similar religious beliefs.

Here’s how I did when it came down to the wedding day:

1. He was able to pay for our then apartment rent, cars, electric, food and health insurance. DRAW

2. He never showed any aptitude towards kids but lo and behold he’s like the best father ever…people have actually stopped us in public and complemented him on his fathering. WIN

3. He does love animals.WIN

4. He thinks he’s much funnier than he is. I’m not sure if this qualifies as success or not, but he does allow me to ridicule him endlessly and has a pretty good sense of humor about it, so we’ll call this success. WIN

5. Like me, he was well-traveled. Europe, the UK and much of the US. Since we  have been married (8.5 years) we have only been to Mexico, US and Australia. Given that we lived in the US and my family lived in Australia, I consider this a whopping FAIL.

6. He’s 5′ 9 1/2″ though he claims he’s 5′ 10″ and I let him get away with it. FAIL

7. We met through my father (and he still claims he has yet to receive a dowry, while my husband maintains that taking me off his hands was the gift) and because I was living in Australia at the time we “chatted” on instant message and the phone. Our very first “date” was him picking me up from the airport. He was late. And short. FAIL

8. I suspect there are many, many times throughout our marriage when he has envisioned  pushing me in front of incoming traffic. FAIL

9. This one is laughable! Opens doors? Who? How? What? Why??? FAIL

10. He’s Jewish. I’m Christian. Enough said. FAIL

Do you all see the trend I have going here? By all accounts this marriage should be a complete failure. If this was a game of Win, Lose or Draw I would be walking off in shame right now.

The great thing about real life is that though your mind may be putting the car in reverse and holding the accelerator on the floor, the heart has grabbed on for dear life and just wont let go.

So bravo for us, bravo.

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